


Please don't hate me again.

by oblivisci



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied Littlespace, Lim Changkyun | I.M-centric, M/M, Sad Changkyun, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-25 23:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14988290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oblivisci/pseuds/oblivisci
Summary: Changkyun knew he's loved by all of his six hyungs. He knew, but the voices that keep whispering at the back of his head have their own opinions. Which is really hard to get rid.





	Please don't hate me again.

**Author's Note:**

> Actually this plot has been occupying my mind since forever. I just love Changkyun/Everyone relationship and this plot happened to be suitable with that. Enjoy!

"Hyung, we should go out and celebrate your birthday. It's still early!" Changkyun said eagerly, way too eager in his own opinion but he didn't care anymore. Celebrating his hyung birthday should be a great reason to be with them, right? He jumped, rolled and danced on the hotel bed which belongs to the oldest hyungs like an excited puppy, hell he was excited like he could burst.

 

It was London, their first stop of Monsta X second world tour and also to be happened on the same day of the band's leader birthday when the concert ended. Knew it could be the chance to spend time with the members, Changkyun was excited and giddy on that day way more than the birthday boy himself.

 

However the birthday boy had his own opinion.

 

"I'm sorry Kyunnie, I don't think I can open my eyes anymore. I played too hard at the concert, and all I want is ten hours of sleep."

 

"But hyungggggggg."

 

"Kyunnie, the birthday boy is tired. I think it will be a great present if we let him rest first. We still can celebrate it tomorrow, right?" Hoseok chimed in, also sounded like pleading. He knew the youngest just want to spend more time but he himself was drained to negative zero energy in his body, there's no way he can walk like a normal human being that night.

 

Changkyun felt his tears threatened to fall down but he bit back and gave his hyung a weak smile.

 

"Okay... I'll just leave. Good night, Hyunwoo and Hoseok-hyung."

 

"Sorry baby, try asking Kihyun and Minhyuk. Who knows they are going out tonight?"

 

"Okay.."

 

"Good nigh-"

 

Hadn't Hoseok finished his sentences, Changkyun already left closing the hotel door with a soft click. He could see something in the maknae's eyes but he was too tired to pinpoint what it was. Little did he know, he just re-opened a small crack of Changkyun's heart.

 

Changkyun knew he's loved by all of his six hyungs. He knew, however the voices that kept whispering at the back of his head have their own opinions, which make it hard to ignore. He knew that what happened three years ago, _the cursed show_ , was already in the past. He knew that everyone accepted him and loved him more than he thought he deserved. But sometimes, there was something that lives in his mind telling otherwise. No, he didn't have a daddy issue, or praise kink, per say, he just felt.. empty. He needed to be showered with attention from the six members so he won't stray back to his old shell, his old agony, his old misery.

 

Changkyun choked back his own sobs and walk away from the eldest room. Wandering at the hallway until he found his next hyungs' room, Minhyuk and Kihyun. He felt stupidly nervous, hell, he didn't even know why.

Maybe it was because his expectation not to be turned down or maybe it was just his stupid heart playing around. Gathered his guts, he rang the bell and put his best smile to mask his nervousness.

 

"Yes Changkyun?"

 

It was Kihyun who opened the door with his bare faced and sweater hanging loose on his body, the lighting of the room was a bit dimmed showing the sign of his hyungs were about to sleep.

 

"Hyung.. I- I want to ask if you guys want to go out tonight?" Changkyun asked timidly while looking at the other's face.

"Oh. Oh... Changkyun. I'm sorry. I don't think we can. I'm so tired from the concert and Minhyuk is already asleep." Kihyun explained while opened the door slightly bigger, showed Minhyuk sprawled on his bed like a dead body with his shoes on. "Have you asked Jooheon and Hyungwon?"

 

The younger swear he could feel his stomach dropped and his eyes watery at the response. He should've expected this, he thought. He shook his head a little, feeling like his tears would fall if he did a bigger movement.

 

"It's okay hyung. Rest well, good night."

 

After he bid his goodbye, he spun so quickly that he could see his tears dropped onto the velvety carpeted floor. He could hear Kihyun called him but he preferred to ignore. The older saw something sparkling dropped to the floor but maybe it was just the trick of the light, right?

 

Changkyun thought he must've looked ridiculous to cry over this matter, it happened too before and he handled well, so why now he couldn't, he asked himself.

 

No way he could handle another rejection from his hyungs but he also couldn't turn back his feet, not when he was already standing in front of the last room, Hyungwon's and Jooheon's room.

Maybe, maybe it will be different. Maybe the two hyungs want to go out with him. Maybe they will say yes.

 

"I'm sorry, Changkyun. You know Hyungwon-hyung treasures his sleep right? And... I want to finish my song tonight. I've been putting it in on hold too long. Have you asked the rest?"

 

He felt sick on his stomach, his mouth threatened to blurt out his concerns. Changkyun wanted to ask if they didn't love him anymore, or tired of seeing him. Instead he just shook his head and uttered a lie.

 

"No.. I haven't asked them. I-I will ask them after this. Sorry for disturbing you. G-good night hyung."

 

He dropped his head low and sped up his pace to his room before he broke down in front of the older. It was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn't want to be a nuisance, but he couldn’t help the bitter, sour, hurt feelings after the third rejection.

Fumbling the hotel card at the back pocket of his jeans, at least he thought, he could spend his time with their manager. Or at least that was what he thought until a loud ding sound came from his phone notified the owner that a message just arrived.

Getting his phone by the nightstand he glanced around. The room was quite big for even for two, now their manager wasn't anywhere to be found, the room was looking a little bigger.

 

From the notification tab he could see the messaged was from their manager, Hongsik-hyung.

 

"Changkyun I'll be sharing room with Seungchan-hyung. Ask the members to sleep with you okay?"

 

 "Why..." He broke down.

He knew he shouldn't feel this way, he knew it was stupid yet he couldn't get rid of this feeling. He felt like the _three years ago_ was going to say hello at him again. The voices at the back of his head were greeting him again.  

 

But what can he do? He already felt this way long way before the world tour started. When they was preparing for it, everyone was busy, everyone had works to do, and with their never ending recording and practise, everyone had their own things to do and unintentionally had been ignoring Changkyun all the time. When the time they got back to dorm, all they wanted is to sleep and be prepared for tomorrow. Changkyun knew, he freaking understand but his heart didn't. He was deprived of his hyungs' attentions. The insecurity that lives in his body was always being ready to comeback anytime soon. And the voices seem getting realer each days passed. He shouldn't feel this way, he shouldn't.

 

_'They don't love you, Changkyun.'_

"No.. They do. They love me."

_'You think? So why they are turning you down?'_

"Hyungs just tired, they are tired..."

_'Well yes, tired of you.'_

"No..."

_'Remember three years ago when you are trying to be friends with them? They gave you the same answer Changkyun.'_

"It was different!"

_'Always tired, wanted to sleep and had works to do. Remember all their stupid excuses? They just hate you Changkyun. They never loved you at the first place. Haha you must've looked stupid.'_

"No... Stop. You are lying. They love me. They said they love me."

_'Oh do they? So why they didn't want you around?'_

"I don't know.. Please stop.."

_'They don't love you, they hate you. They were just pretending in front of the camera, in front of the fans. They probably laugh at you right now because you are so stupid to believe at them.'_

 "Stop..." He pleaded to the evil voice.

 

It was useless though. The voices were getting louder and Changkyun was a in lost. Usually his hyungs helped him to get through of the voices, but he was alone at the moment.

He was at the point of fighting the voice and believing it. He knew it was dangerous to believe at it but it was also seems like what the voices told were true.

 

He slowly recalled all the painful memories of three years ago, where the oldest of the members, Hyunwoo intentionally not talking to him as if he didn't exist even they were breathing in the same room. Or when Hoseok threw an insult laugh when their manager told Changkyun he needed to work out. Or couple times when Minhyuk and Kihyun purposely didn't call him during dinner so he had to eat alone. Or during their vocal practise Jooheon and Hyungwon ignorantly praised Gunhee in front of Changkyun just to make the youngest felt smaller.

He replayed the bad memories one by one on his head like a broken cassette though he realized it was all in the past. It was too much, everything in his head jumbled up, he didn't even know which one is true, the hyungs or the voices. It was too much that he can't feel anything anymore.

 

He reached the point where he couldn't even think what's bad and what isn't. So he did what he best at, letting his mind controlled his body. Without taking his clothes off, he went to the bathroom and jumped in the bathtub, sat below the shower as well as turn on the pipe. He needed to feel something.

 

 

It was around two in the morning when the leader's phone blast Ariana Grande, No Tears Left to Cry through the speaker. Usually he'd turn off the sound, but he was too tired to do so. Groggily he picked up the phone and ready to fight whoeber it was.

 

"Hyunwoo, did Changkyun already asleep? I tried to call him but his phone turned off." It was their manager, Hongsik.

"Uh? I don't know? Aren't you roomed with him?"

"Wait. He didn't tell you? I'm rooming with Seungchan, and I told him to ask you guys stay with him since he hates sleeping alone."

"He didn't... Uh I call you back, I'll try asking the kids."

 

 

Right after the call ended he hurriedly waking up Hoseok who slept like a baby throughout the phone call. He felt a bit guilty but it's their maknae was more important.

 

"Hoseok, wake up." He tapped the other's face lightly.

"Huh what why what did you do?" The younger blearily asked, slightly annoyed with the disturbance of his sleep.

If it was not because of the whole situation, Hyunwoo would laugh at him for looking silly, but his focus now on it's their maknae.

 

"Hoseok, did Changkyun told you that Hongsik will be roomed with Seungchan-hyung?" Hyunwoo desperately asked.

"...no? He left right after he asked whether we wanted to go out or not."

"Oh shit."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Hongsik told Changkyun to ask us to stay with him tonight since he got the room by himself." He explained.

"Oh.. Oh. Hyunwoo, stop panicking, maybe. Uh maybe he asked the other kids? Let's just go to their room."

 

Not forgetting their phones and the room card, they scurried to the other members' room.

Well it was much worse that Hyunwoo thought it could be.

"So you are telling me that you both rejected his offer to celebrate your birthday? Hm hyung?" Kihyun deliberately raised his tone.

"Yes..but. I- we- you both rejected him too!" Hoseok replied in defenced.

"It's because Minhyuk was already asleep. And we-"

"Guys, you know how long that we didn't spend time with Changkyun?" Hyunwoo that all quiet before, suddenly voiced out his mind. "Two months." He added.

"And we all rejected him." Minhyuk said in a small voice.

 

 

Everyone in the room became quieter and suddenly Jooheon stood up from the bed. "Fuck we need to find Changkyun. We can't let him stay alone."

"Let's go to his room first." Hyungwon proposed.

 

 

 

_'Oh Kyunnie, you must feel stupid right now. How come you can fool yourself? They were just playing with you.'_

"But.. They said they love me.."

_'Everyone could say anything that they didn't meant it sweetie. Like what they've said to you.'_

"They love me. They love me.. It's been three years, they love me."

_'If they love you, where are they now? They wouldn't give you stupid excuses. They wouldn't leave you alone. But look at you now? So pathetic, so alone, you don't deserve their love. They were just using you.'_

"No, no, no, no! Please stop!"

 

He pushed his palms to both of his ears, begged to the voices to stop, but it was no avail. With the cold water surrounded his body for hours and the shower that supposed to clear his but instead letting the voices grew stronger each time he pleaded.

 

 

**"Please stop!"**

 

The screamed that came behind the door made the other six anxious. They know Changkyun was alone in the room and that even more dangerous.

 

"Changkyun? Baby? Open the door please?" Hoseok knocked the door not too hard to avoid any disturbance to the other residents.

"Hyung I'll get the extra key at the receptionist. You keep trying." Kihyun said and ran to nearest elevator.

"Kyunnie, please open the door? It's us. We are sorry. Please open the door." It was Jooheon. But all ever they heard was the sound of water and complete silence from the youngest.

 

Minhyuk was already crying and muttering apologizes though he realized it was useless. The person who should receive the apologies was still inside.

 

Hyunwoo on the other hand was trying to calm his panic; everything will be alright he keep saying like a mantra.

 

"Hyung, here's the card!" Finally Kihyun arrived, panting heavily like he just ran for a marathon.

 

 

As soon as they got into the room, they rushed to where the water sound came and the first thing they saw broke their heart. What have they done to their maknae, they thought.

 

There was Changkyun in the bathtub filled with cold water, crying so hard that he didn't even realized his hyungs was there.

 

They let out a relieved sigh when they saw their maknae was fine. 

 

"Oh baby.. Shh... I'm sorry. Baby, I'm so sorry. You are okay, you are okay baby. Shh.. We got you. We love you." Hyunwoo stepped in the bathtub to hug the boy trying to bring him back out of his tricky mind.

"No.. You hate me. You don't love me. You hate me. They said you all hate me.." Changkyun tried to push away the leader's embrace but he's weak that he couldn't even lift his fingers.

 

Minhyuk stepped in though the bathtub was too small for three grown up men, he didn't care. "Baby I'm sorry. We are sorry. We love you, you are our baby and we love you so much. We were stupid. We shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

"Please don't hate me.. Please don't hate me again? I'm afraid that.." It was the maknae last words before he passed out.

"Changkyun? Baby?! Oh my god, guys move. Prepare clean clothes and turn up the heater." Hyunwoo scooped the unconscious boy to his arm and placed it on the bed.

"Hyung, he's burning up. Should we call the doctor?" Hyungwon asked after comparing his temperature with the maknae.

"No. I mean. Let's keep this low. Just call our managers to keep them updated and tell them to buy medicine for his fever." The leader proposed.

 

 

After they've changed Changkyun's clothes and keep the boy's temperature to somewhat normal, they've settled around the bed waiting for him to awake.

 

"We've fucked up badly aren't we?" Kihyun asked, more to himself while petting the maknae's hair.

"Yeah.. He just want us to spend more time with him. And we couldn't even do that. What kind of hyung are we.." Hoseok replied half whispered half blaming himself.

“He was so excited to celebrate my birthday but I was being selfish, saying tired and stupid shit like that.” Hyunwoo voiced his regrets while rubbing his face hard with his palms.

“He’s tired too. But he still managed to smile in front of us, hiding his feelings just not to make us feel bad. We are an idiot.” Jooheon sighed.

 

It was passed four in the morning when Changkyun awake with a teary eyes and insecurities took over his voice.

 

“Hyung?” He called out timidly.

“Yes baby, we are here. Hyungs are here.” Hoseok settled next to the boy, smiling softly.

“I’m sorry… Please don’t hate me, I won’t ask you to play with me again. I-I won’t be clingy anymore.  J- just don’t hate me again. Please…”

It broke their heart to hear their baby pleading for something he didn't have to. It's their responsibilities to provide all the things he said he won't ask anymore but they have failed miserably.

“Oh baby. No you’ve done nothing wrong. We would never hate you. Never and ever. You are our baby, we should’ve taken care of you, play with you and yet we neglected you for a long time. We are sorry. Please forgive us?”

The baby of the group nodded unsurely, he was confused why his hyungs were apologizing to him while he thought he was the one who were being such a nuisance to him.

Hyungwon seems to catch the uncertainty that lingered on the other’s mind, he sat next to him.

“Baby…” he started while lifting Changkyun’s head to face him. “Listen to me. We love you and nothing is going to change that forever. They, whoever that telling you otherwise were lying to you. We love you so much that we couldn’t live without you. You are our baby, our maknae, our love and we couldn’t ask for more. We are sorry that we made you cry, your hyungs are not so smart, and hell we are the most stupid hyungs aren’t we? Can you forgive us?”

Giggled with the lengthy confession, Changkyun replied. “Yes you guys are so stupid. And I forgive you. Just don’t do it again?”

“We won’t do it again. And we are promised, right guys?” Minhyuk eyed the rest.

“Right.” They said in unison, smiled gratefully.

 

That night the seven of them all sleep together despite the king sized bed supposedly can only fit four grown up men, but they didn’t care. Why would they, when their beloved baby was happy with all of them squishing together.

 

 

 

“WHO THE FUCK STEPPED ON MY DICK YOU ASS!” Minhyuk yelled before the bed lights turned off.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a constructive comment so I can improve myself. I'm still finding my writing style, your opinions would help me a big. Thank you! ❤


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